Monday, January 31, 2011

Vacation Time!!!

Last week was just crazy.  Some of it I scheduled  in but the rest was imposed upon me.  I do try to plan ahead and I most often look at the week and have my outfits ready to go as I fold the laundry.  One day in particular was so planned, then unplanned and then it changed again . . . I had switched outfits for the following day 5 times and then when the dust settled I ended up wearing what I had picked out originally.  I'm sure in crisis my outfit should not matter but knowing what I'm going to wear the next day gives me a sense of having a jump on the day--as if one day I may actually get the early worm. 

Friday was very busy in a very fun way and at the end of the day, Joseph and I were talking about our week, and I told him I felt like I could use a vacation.  He was so excited "where will we go Mom--Legoland again"?  I had to break the news to him that I wanted just a vacation for me and to spend it in my bed.  "Without us"?  So I tried to explain the best way I knew how that I loved him very much but sometimes I just want to sit in the quiet and not really have to do anything.  "Isn't that what naptime is for"?  I agreed that naptime was the perfect time to have a quiet Mommy time.  All was right again in his world.  But the idea of having time to just sit was one that I wanted to hold onto.

On Saturday Eric came home.  He stays for 22 hours and then leaves.  This weekend we had only a few errands that included all of us and I was looking forward to a nice meal together and then a quiet evening.  My friend had offered to watch the kids so we were able to have some time together without kids--to not have interruptions was a beautiful thing.  We could start and end entire sentences.  We could finish an entire topic without forgetting what we were thinking.  It was refreshing.

By the time Eric left-- we had the laundry done, grocery shopping done, meals for the week planned, outfits in order, and the schedule for the week updated with the latest events.  I was finished.  Except for lunch, dinner and bathtime.

So I sat on the couch and watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Brum with my kids for the afternoon and worked on a knitting project.  What an amazing vacation.  It lasted about 4 hours.  I sat and my kids came and went working on several different projects.  I think that they enjoyed my vacation too.

Thank you God for giving us the gift of time.  Help me use each moment of the day to serve you--and when I fail please gently remind me that I have right now, this moment, to change.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


I feel very busy lately.  Not busy in a good way but more in a non-stop way of not being able to catch my breath and help my kids sound out a word  or figure out what digit is in the  thousands place.  Too busy to repeat the word Pop Pop three times in hopes that my baby actually practices the word that he tries so hard to say, too busy to enjoy my wonderful  house (in the fleeting time I have left), my kids and my husband when he calls me. 

As I kiss my last big boy goodnight I notice the switch plate--it is a dump truck--his room was first Bob the Builder and then just construction in a Tonka sort of way and I wonder if I should pack that and take it to the new house.  I'm so not ready to leave this home where we finally created our family and embraced a life full faith.  This home holds so many memories and I'm scared that when we leave here that my memories will be gone. 

In this crazy time I can see a dump truck and it makes me cry.  As I type this I sit in the office/nursery and see Pooh helping Piglet and resting with Tigger and I think about all the times that I sat in this room and had quiet time with my babies.  I know in my heart that I am starting a new exciting chapter in my life with my kids and my husband and yet I long for those moments that seemed to last forever.  I remember seeing each one of my babies falling asleep in my arms and I hold on to that moment. 

God, thank you for my babies.  Each day I realize how precious they are and what a gift you have given me.  I beg you to give me the grace to me the mother that you desire and the mother that they need.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Just one thing

I wish that I could have one thing that I was interested in and do it.  To just enjoy one thing and get really, really super good at it.  But no--I can't.  I love to knit, but before knitting it was crochet, quilting, scrapbooking, cooking, gardening, running, having pets--dogs, cats, fish, birds and any stray anything that needs food and water, pottery and jewelry making. 

When my daughter was asked at school what she wanted to be she said "an artist, teacher, Mom, animal shelter worker, hair cutter (she did have too much emphasis on the cutting part), and food network/cooker.  I thought to myself she will have the same trouble in life in deciding what to do.  At least she can come and visit my basement and "shop" for her latest passion.

In getting ready for this move I have been thinking about what I should focus on for this season of my life.  I'm only thinking and not coming up with ideas of what I could eliminate or thin out.  It is like getting rid of all my baby stuff--a mourning process needs to begin.  I'm not quite there yet. 

One thing is for sure--breakfast, lunch, dinner, laundry, sweeping the floor, and keeping everyone going in forward motion--will fill my day. 

Thank you God for giving me the grace to do what I do over and over and remain a joyful mom--mostly.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

On my own--again

Sunday is a hard day.  Eric leaves on Sunday and I know that I can do anything and everything by myself it is just so much more enjoyable with Eric.  I will say that Eric and I approach every situation, problem, issue, life in general extremely differently from each other yet--it works for us.  We are almost always in agreement on everything from style of houses to choice of bathroom rugs--I'm not sure how this happens.  It must be divine intervention.

I know that God has a plan for our lives and especially at this moment in time,  I know deep down that I will grow from this experience.  My goal each day is to joyfully serve the Lord--some days I do a better job than others.   Our lives are the most stressful that they have ever been and to be joyful when I'm trying to get everyone out the door in the morning from school, listening to the bickering, when I run out of milk because I "thought" I had another one, when I step in something gross, when I'm just tired and want to just sit for a few minutes . . .

God, thank you for my husband.  I know that this is a time of hardship/growth for him as well as for me.  May the Holy Spirit be with him as he travels.  Help us to be the song in each others heart and not be afraid to sing.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!

I just read two other blogs that were very inspiring.  I should not read other blogs before trying to write mine. 

I think that for this New Year I will attempt to not compare myself with others.  I'm not sure when I started to measure myself by others rather than myself. 

This year I want to be happy with who I am becoming and knowing that I do my best each day. 

We are moving to IL soon and the process of weeding through a life's worth of "things" has been hard.  I was told that if I don't need it now--get rid of it.  If I wouldn't buy it today to serve a purpose in my house--get rid of it.  It was a great feeling to get rid of things--the stuff that has kept me from moving on. 

One of the things that I shed were all the maternity related items--clothes, bouncy seats, bassinets, baby clothes and it felt good at the time but now that longing is coming back.  I know that I have my hands very full with my 4 kids and it would be a blessing to have another but my body just isn't working in that way anymore.  I need to move forward and enjoy what I do have not what I don't.  My mind knows that but my heart doesn't.

Thank you God for my family that I love more than anything.  God, please help me trust in you--that these kids and this husband were chosen by you for me.  Calm my heart in knowing that this is where I am supposed to be.