A Mother (in-law)'s Gift

I was just given the best Mother's Day gift ever. I was able to spend a week with my Mother-In-Law. We had a staycation in my home. We cooked side by side, we knitted side by side, we folded clothes side by side and pondered the idea of whether I would actually get the vacuum run or the lawn mowed during her visit.

 

 

I only had a week to prepare for her visit--I knew that she was coming for a weekend but found out about the extended stay with just a week's notice. I started out in panic mode--with the normal crazy busy of our schedule I wondered how I was going to make everything perfect. The Mary/Martha struggle that I live with. Then I decided to proceed like Mary.

 

 

The highlight of the trip was my daughter's First Communion. I've helped her for months to prepare for this Sacrament and all of a sudden I shifted from spiritual preparedness to worrying about fingerprints and dust. I realized that I needed to focus on what was truly important. I stopped thinking about the cleaning schedule and gave myself permission to plan and be organized--then stop to enjoy this "First" moment.

 

 

For the first time I didn't make myself and those who love me crazy with the Martha level of perfection. I did the minimum and let the rest happen.

 

 

My MIL gave me the gift of time and I gave myself the gift of a humble pie, accepting a wonderful opportunity to enjoy time with her without the agenda of a perfectionist. I allowed myself to be imperfect, real, authentic and grateful. I felt genuine gratitude--really felt it--not just the Hallmark card or the Helen Stein watercolor variety of gratitude--but real, take a deep breath and EXHALE.

It was an awesome visit.  I feel renewed and refreshed--and that you can't buy in a store.  I learned that I have value independent of perfectionism.  I thought of my MIL as I vacuumed the house and mowed the lawn.  I hoped that she felt renewed, refreshed and loved. 

 

 

Thank you God for putting amazing women in my life! I am blessed to be inspired, encouraged and loved by so many of your daughters. I only hope that through your grace I will be able to encourage and inspire as I serve you.

"Who do you say that I am?"

I inherited four really big pictures of Jesus--they are the 4 gospels of Jesus and the image of Jesus is created by the words of the gospels.  Word pointillism if you will.

These pictures have been moving through the house as I still try and figure out where to put things after our move.  One picture in particular I like and it says

"Who do you say that I am?"

I look at it as one of those conversation starters--Jesus asking me, really asking me--who do I say that he is and how do I express that.  Will my actions reflect that I had this conversation at all?

The other way that I read this is "who do I say that I am--now?"  Lately, I have been referring to myself in the past tense.  I used to play basketball, I used to run 1/2 marathons, I used to quilt, I used to have 3 dogs, I used to have my own business, and the list goes on and on.  If feels somewhat strange to look at my life as it was and even try to compare to where I am now.

I look at my life now and minimize the fact that I do breakfast, lunch and dinner, laundry--sorted, folded and put away (at least once a week), my house is clean for about 1 hour a week, and I spend the rest of the time with my kids.  That is a lot of stuff to keep up with and in my happy heart I know that it is enough. 

Then I see the skinny mom at the gym, the business mom making the deal, insert any mom doing anything that is NOT what I am doing--and then I hear those words "who do you say that I am?" and I wonder about so many things:  do they wish they were home?, wish they could run a 1/2 marathon, make awesome whoopie pies, do they spend as much time as I do thinking about what they were and where they are going? 

During this Lent I have been striving to live more intentionally.  I want to stop thinking about what I was and what I hope to be (by swimsuit season) and live in the NOW.  Enjoy the moment as it is not what it will be or should be or could have been. 

I find it difficult to have such a busy schedule and still live with intention.  It is all a work in progress with starting being the hardest step.

Thank you God for this season of Lent, a season to pause, a season to take a long hard look at what dying on the cross means for us individually.  Help me understand that where I have been, what I thought I was, or hoped to become has brought me to this moment.  Help me to live each day to the fullest and not define myself by what was, but what is yet to become.

What Mommy Books Don't Tell You

When I was pregnant I felt like I had arrived. I was an older Mom when I started my family and I know that I knew more about a lot of things compared to "those younger Moms" that were now my peer group. It was true that I had an entire life filled with lots of accomplishments and successes but motherhood levels the playing field. I can humble myself now some 10 years later but not so starting out.

I read all of the books about having babies and taking care of babies. I watched all the shows that were on TV at the time about popping those babies out. It all seemed so easy. I was the Mom who could tell you (according to the book) on what day my babies eyelashes were developing and how many times I felt movement that day. I think about it now and realize how I must have driven friends and family crazy. I really thought that I was an expert on babies and by the amount of reading and time spent with kids up until having my own. I was determined to be a good mom and convinced myself that if I studied everything from nursing to child development I would achieve supermom status. I was prepared.  I thought.

What I was not prepared for was having 4 kids in under 6 years. I found that the books did not prepare me for the everyday demands of taking care of my babies. The books really didn't help me with my self-imposed idea of what I needed to do to be super mom. The books didn't tell me that my kids don't need a supermom they just need a mom who is present and loves them no matter what.

The books didn't tell me about friends. Friendship is hard no matter where you are in life but when you have young kids it is no longer about you and another person, it is a package deal. Finding a mom who has the same values, goals, ideas can seem impossible.

The books didn't tell me that my friends would be determined by:

1. Whether you are a "boy" mom or a "girl" mom--my first was a boy but I would meet Moms who had girls and would say "oh, I have a girl" and for that reason we could not be friends.
2. I had a child who was a biter--that is isolating.
3. I have a child with special issues--when you have a kid who is different in any way you immediately find out who your friends are NOT.
4. Having a bigger family-- people either embrace it or reject it.
5. My parenting style and the choices we have made for our family.
6. What activities my kids are involved in.
7. Where they go to school.
8. Our choice to homeschool.
9. Where we are on our faith journey.
10. Where I see myself going not where I've been.

Finding and keeping friends when you have smaller kids can be tough but not impossible because everyone needs a friend--your potential friend is looking for you! I have found great lasting friendships from my churches Mom's group, from our homeschool coop and from our school. I am very blessed by a small group of women. That is all I need to feel supported.

Thank you God for giving me the gift of motherhood. I pray that I might be open to serving you through the challenges and demands of this incredible vocation. Thank you God for my friends that have loved me, friends that needed to leave me and friends that stay with me even on the hard days.